So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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