ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
