just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My pussy is not your playground.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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