Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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