you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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