You just made me feel so damn special
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
