What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize