I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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