Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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