didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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