Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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