you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
