She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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