I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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