That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
