I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
