Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Is it penis luge time yet?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize