my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize