We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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