I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
