You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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