Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
