yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
