whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
