there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
