It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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