Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
