We're facebook friends in real life
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
