I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
