Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
