I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
