I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think i got beer on your cat.
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