is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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