I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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