i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This baby is an asshole
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
