Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
