You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
