so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
