I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
