Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just puked most of my soul out..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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