So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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