my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
