I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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