Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize