Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
