Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
