have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize