apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
