shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just want to make out with him forever
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize