he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize