Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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