does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
