Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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