He disabled his match.com account in front of me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
