Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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