I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
