none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
