when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
