This girl is more easily done than said...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
