They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
