did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
