Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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