I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
