I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize