and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
