Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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