hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
