I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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