How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize