Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
