Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My vagina is officially offended.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
