I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He shit in the fireplace
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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