we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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