i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Drunk is not a location!
All I want is dick and wine.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
