My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
